Fuck Me, I'm the Protagonist
by A Drowning Cactus
Summary: "I may not have the best self-esteem, the motivation, the greatest impulse, ways of combat, or social anxiety with a dash of depression and constant existential crisis." "But?" "No, that's about it." A SI-as-Fem!Tsuna. Touches on touchy subjects sometimes but there's lots of dank ass humor in it. Tsuna/? Pansexual!Tsuna and Chubby!Tsuna. So literally anyone is endgame.
1. Necrophilia Jokes and Yamamoto

**Disclaimer: I don't Katekyo Hitman Reborn! Trust me, you'd know. :3c**

 **Edited: January, 22, 2018**

* * *

The fact that I died was actually fucking hilarious to me for some reason.

I was deathly (get it) afraid of Death (with a capital D) but had jokingly said I'd embrace it in it's cold, skeleton full of vitamin D arms. But I'd totally bone it because I wouldn't want to die a virgin despite it being just a concept within society's rules.

Wouldn't it count as necrophilia? But I'm sure it would get a bone-r right? Cracking a cold one with the boys amiright.

All in all, I don't recommend dying from asphyxiation -4/10 would not recommend- unless you were kinky as shit (choke me harder, daddy). Then it would be a snuff film.

It was your typical robbery gone wrong, with the cliched black ski mask and the victim being home alone with the lights off in their bedroom. Of course I didn't want to go with my mom and brother to the mall for last minute shopping and I, being the lovely, generous human being, opted to "Protect our lovely home whilst playing my PS4, getting my ass beat on easy mode and indulge myself with Spicy Doritos and Dr. Pepper". They agreed, reluctantly since they'd lose an extra pair of hands for buying more stuff. Famous last words.

I'd tell you the gory details, but I'm not in the mood. I was just choked until I turned into an ugly shade of red while pissing myself from the sheer terror- I'm obviously traumatized and all. Can't harm this beautiful fluffy head with stress can't I? Conditioners can only save so much damage unti the white hairs starts to poke in. Especially the female version of a tuna but in a wig and tits with no dick (it's not that kind of fanfic, but I don't blame you for being a _little_ disappointed). I'm no shounen but a shoujo manga coming to life. Is that sexist? But I didn't wanna get callouses on my hands, I got my nails did. And fight. Too lazy and not motivated enough to actually put effort into training. I just wanted to lie down be a piece of shit to society. My new-mother was wonderful, and I can grow to accept the idea of having two moms. Double the allowances and food.

But the problem was Reborn. His resolve to make Tsunayoshi the Tenth boss was adamant in the series, even with Tsuna out right refusing it on several occasions when the matter was brought up. So much so, it became a running gag until Reborn managed to break his will to accepting it. Because everyone had to do anal once in a while righ- not that kind of fanfiction. Got it.

I stared at my tanned, manicured with pink acrylic polished hands, so delicate and pretty despite the fat. Now these hands shouldn't hit another person unless it was involuntarily necessary.

A chubby!Tsuna in an anime. Go figure. I silently wished there no chubby chasers in this anime. A harem would be nice, but I'd like to tap Kyoko. Softly hard.

I guess the original Tsuna's longtime crush passed over to me like a torch. A beautiful, perfect, drop-dead gorgeous torch full of purity, rainbows and the softest kittens and pastel glitter.

Mommy said not to play with fire but damn am I not gunna kiss it.

I could write a sonnet for Kyoko. Vomit out poems and song lyrics in hopes to woo her to get her to hold my hand. And maybe a kiss on a cheek but I'm not a pervert, so a hug would suffice after I bought her dinner and chocolates.

Daydreams can only get you so far unfortunately. I sighed forlornly. Keep the gay in Not Leanne. Keep. It. In.

"Tsu-chan! Breakfast's ready!" Ah yes, breakfast. The second most important meal of the day, dessert being the first along with snacks. I didn't get these curves for nuthin'.

Uncaring that I was in a tanktop with the infamous leaf symbol from the anime Naruto on it and my underwear (sill a weeb at heart, forever), I raced downstairs to be greeted with the smells of eggs, bacon, sausage, toast and fruit. She couldn't get why anyone would only take a piece of toast and just run to school when all this shit was spread out just for you.

"Praise be the Gods slash Goddesses for Nan- Mama's cooking." I moaned, catching sight the large pile of bacon in the plates with fried eggs and sausage on my plate.

Mama giggled at my antics, oblivious to the slip on, already seated at the table with a cup of tea and a plate of raspberry jam toast with strawberries on the side.

"Thanks for the food!"

* * *

I had woken up in this body. Aged 14 in all it's awkward stage of puberty with breasts, curves and only a few inches worth of height. But 60 pounds heavier.

This universe's Tsuna- Sawada Tsunahime (courtesy to dad)- was still full of anxiety, low self worth and bullies drown to her like moths to a flame. We weren't much different, her and I. The only difference was, I could pull off a massive Bitch-face. I assumed 'Hime looked meek when walking to school, head down making no eye contact. Me, I held up my head high, strode by like I was a woman on a mission "so don't think of fucking with me, or you'll catch these hands" aura, with eyes straight dead-on.

No one usually bothered me before. I made the right friends and made little scathing remarks that protected me from any pursuit of bullies.

But alas, 'Hime's reputation proceeds her. Even with the change, not that it mattered.

"Oi, Buta-Hime." Ah, yes. A new nickname from Dame-Tsuna. This new body held a soul for the obvious love of food and weakness for chocolates that they managed to conjure up on their own.

I felt a pinched on my waist, hearing their snickers and insults.

Without looking at them, I _politely_ smacked their hands away off of the goods.

And like poking a wasps' hive, they began to sting.

Bullying, what fun.

Picking up my thrown bag full of baked goods and doodles and mechanical pencils, I made my way to class ignoring the jeers from my fellow peers as they cackled.

I felt like such a cliche.

Bullied kid, loner, FEMALE, these are all signs of a novel or show that the main protagonist will have some magical shit happen to them, with the possibilities of a love triangle if they were female. But Kyoko was the one for me, and another trope was the guy always gets the girl. Or in this case the girl gets the girl. She hoped nothing tragic happened to her or Kyoko, the TV shows or books who showed LGBTA+ characters usually died. But women tended to be whiny and basically useless. Always the damsel in distress.

I looked down at my belly.

Bet they'd never anticipated a chubby protagonist though.

I chuckled at the thought how their future Vongola tenth would be fat. Or how Reborn would think.

I couldn't help but notice I almost skipped past the always being in distress part. I shrugged to myself. Whatever. Maybe in this life the Mafia were misogynists assholes or none of the Nineth's sons died so maybe I just dodged a bullet. A dying will bullet at that.

I looked a Yamamoto, laughing with his friends and fans. Maybe... not.

'But what would happen to Yamamoto if he...' I sat my ass down on my chair, pulling out a cinnamon bun, pencils and last week's homework. Waking up early and going to school before the bell rang had its perks. People with early morning practices were the only ones to arrive usually and bullies were a bare minimum. Except for today. I was glad I wrapped my goodies before I left. And also not getting my ass kicked by Hibari since I had the habit of being late all the time. Hibari was scary in real life, even hotter. 2D animation did not do him justice who previously didn't leave much to imagination for a real life Hibari. But he wasn't my major concern ( _yet_ ).

Yamamoto Takeshi was an idiot. That was quite obvious in the anime/manga. But an idiot who was going to kill himself because of of peer pressure from his so called friends, egging him and to do a lot more than the rest ever did. Laying all of their expectations and disappoints on him, it had piled on and on until he snapped. Even if Reborn might not come, it still didn't defeat the fact that Yamamto Takeshi was going to jump and punch his Death ticket too damn early, and I don't have the strength or endurance to survive the fall.

So I had a plan. Not the most greatest or the most organized, but a plan nonetheless.

* * *

 **After School**

* * *

Being near Yamamoto Takeshi was anxiety-inducing. I didn't want the dude or his friends to think I had a crush on the baseball star, especially when I sat on one of the benches far from the baseball practice reading a book. I wasn't interested in him. My heart only belonged to Kyoko. I looked fairly harmless, but I was sweating up a storm and my brain had not processed the words from my novel. My "interaction-with-people" meter was full and I wanted to go home and play video games or draw.

But I didn't want Yamamoto Takeshi's potential suicide weighing down my conscious. I needed to talk to him. Fuck comfort, a life was at stake. A lfe I could prevent from happening.

I checked my watch.

10 more minutes until practice was over.

Sighing wearily, I flipped the page of my book and re-read the page.

Before I knew it, the whistle blown signalling baseball practice was over.

'Fucking shit, fuck.'

I saved the page on my book by dog-earring it, placed it in my bag and got up from the bench. Anxiety crept up and lodged in my throat and made by heart beat faster as I saw Yamamoto taking a sip of water from his bottle. His teammates playfully teased each other by pushing themselves around as they went inside the school to change, leaving Yamamoto behind. No fangirl in sight. This was my chance with him alone.

Time to face the fucking music.

"Hey, Yamamoto-san!"

* * *

Yamamoto's POV

* * *

'My aim should have been better by now, lately it's been a bit off for a while. Not what I needed. Need to practice some more or else-'

"Hey, Yamamoto-san!"

The long lanky teen blinked, his train of thought caught off and nearly choked on his water..

He coughed harshly, wiping the water that spilled from his mouth as he turned, pin pointing the voice who called out to him.

Dame-Tsuna. The girl who had the same bad grades as him. But that changed over a month, improving just a bit to make a difference. Unlike him, who was a _complete, utter **failure**_ \- and her appearance had changed almost drastically.

No longer the little skinny, lanky girl in his class but replaced with someone more meaty and chubby. But she still had an aura of meekness around her with the awkwardness that surrounded her.

'Was it stress that made her bigger?' He couldn't help but think, but waved the thought away. Not his problem.

Not the type to ridicule (even when he ignored the constant bullying that followed Dame-Tsuna), the baseball nut smiled towards her.

'Please don't be another love confession.' He thought, shoulders mentally drooping. Don't get him wrong, he liked girls of all shapes and sizes but his focus based solely on baseball. That was the only thing he was good at and he can't let his skills dwindle for some girl (or boy). Tsuna was cute in her on way, but he wasn't interested. Not now.

"I... need to talk to you about something." She mumbled, looking to the side, body tensed. A blush was dusted on her round cheeks as she bit her lip that still had a few leftover crumbs.

'Damn.' He thought. 'This IS a confession.' Yamamoto didn't want to break her heart, but if he had to-

"Can we talk somewhere in private?" Tsuna asked, now looking at him, determination set ablaze in her eyes. That caught him off guard.

"Uh- I, uh" He stuttered, feeling a bit of a fool for feeling a little off from her eyes which strangely looked orange from the sun's lighting

"It's not about that," Tsuna grimaced, turning more red as she realized the context of her words. "I'm interested in someone else... No offense." She cracked a awkward grin. Relief swelled up like a balloon in his heart and the weight of guilt had vanished. He shook his head, smiling also.

"None taken. But I don't give good relationship advice." Tsuna merely shook her head also.

"Not that either. But I..." She paused, looking like she was carefully finding her words as she cracked her fingers. She was nervous. "... _Need_ you to follow me." She said, emphasizing the first word. This was important. But for what exactly?

"What for Sawada-chan?" He perked up, putting up the facade of an overly cheerful mask, pushing away the fucking stress that always consumed his sleep-

"That." She nearly deadpanned. All of the redness was gone from her face, but replaced with a serious one that looked so alien on her face.

He blinked, shocked once again.

"Wha-"

"I know you're faking it Yamamoto-san." Confused, Takeshi blinked again.

"To put it bluntly, I know you're fucking depressed and frankly I'm worried that you might do something drastic." About to open his mouth and deny the fact he was, he was interrupted. "You're just like me," He closed his mouth. "and I won't say any bullshit when it comes to how you're feeling right now. Because I Know how shitty it can get, when it comes to something you're relied on heavily with expectations through the fucking roof"- When did she started swearing?-" only to feel like you've failed. Every. Single. Time."

He followed her after that.

* * *

 **Leanne's POV**

* * *

It was fucking awkward walking beside Yamamoto Takeshi, after spilling out the beans that I called him out on being depressed and possibly suicidal, the usually talkative baseball nut was eerily quiet.

It was sorta scary seeing him so out of character. But I reminded myself this wasn't an anime or fanfiction. He was real like me (although that's up for much debate), not a character drawn in 2D. He wasn't just a talkative baseball nut. He was human and a teenager. Not an adult who was tasked with all of this Mafia bullshit.

I felt a little relieved when I saw the familiar sight of my house popping into view as when turned around a corner.

"This is mine." I said idly, pushing open the gate. He merely nodded, face unchanging. He didn't say anything when he followed me in.

"Mama! I'm home!" I shouted out as I opened the door. I took off my shoes and Yamamoto did the same, placing them neatly to the side.

"Welcome back Tsu-chan!" The kind, sweet voice that I grew to love and accept her to be my second mom, called back lovingly. Everyone deserved a Nana in their lives. A swell of resentment to Iemitsu, who LEFT us- _no._ He wasn't like my father before. He actually supported and loved us. He's protecting us from the Mafia, trying to give us a normal life as long as possible, I reminded myself. More towards the "Tsuna" than at me, but that gap was closing.

"I brought a friend over, hope you don't mind!" I called out, hoping Yamamoto didn't mind I called him a friend, but I didn't want Mama to think about something else entirely. I know in Japan becoming friends was like a level system. You can only say first names if you were VERY close or were allowed to get rid of the -chan or -san.

"Ora? Tsu-chan you brought a friend!" The sound of surprise of the prospect of my new body's social interaction nearly made me flinch. Was Tsuna really that bad at making friends? I shifted through her-our- memories. She had not.

"I'll bring snacks, you two-" She saw Yamamoto. "Head on upstiars!" She smiled more brightly after seeing him. Sparkles and stars literally floated around her.

'S-so cute!' I couldn't help but think. I was blessed with such a wonderful mother. 'Better than the last one.'

"Yeah, sure." I nodded, smiling towards her. "Thanks!" I called out to her and walked upstairs, Yamamoto trailing behind me. We entered my room and I softly closed the door.

Yamamoto stood off from the side awkwardly, shuffling his feet.

"Sorry about mentioning you were a friend, mama would be suspicious-" I started, a little embarrassed.

"It's alright." He said softly, speaking for the first time after the confrontation.

I nodded, cracking my knuckles as I awkwardly showing off my room. "Sit anywhere you like... Sorry about the mess." Books and papers were all around the room, taking up most spaces. Wrappers and some cups and plates were stacked but what I was most thankful for was there was no dirty clothes for him to see. I didn't want him to think I was a much more bigger slob than I was now.

"It's better than mine at least." He joked, but failed to bring a smile on his face. "Yeah..." I nodded.

He placed himself on the small table in the middle of the room, where it was the most cleanest. Still, he had to shove some books away for him to get more comfortable. I sat across from him. A heavy, uncomfortable silence invaded the room.

"So..." I started off first.

"How'd you know?" He asked in monotone. Fuck. I had to be smart or I'll scare him off.

"Because I've seen you pushing yourself." Yeah no shit Tsuna. "Too hard."

"Everyone does. Isn't that the point? When you know you're good at something, you're supposed to push yourself in order to get better at it."

"That's a fucked up way of seeing something like that. You're a teenager, who barely got out of their pre-teens."

"It's..." He sighed, closing his eyes.

A short pause.

"You love baseball don't you?"

"Is it that obvious?" Sassy. But he's still listening.

"Than why do you treat it as a... some sort of burden?"

"I don't-"

"Don't lie to me. Baseball for you should be fucking fun because hell- I know you love baseball. But it should be something that you WANT to do, not what you NEED to do. There's a difference between those two, and you're more leaning towards the latter and that ain't healthy."

"You don't understand."

"Try me."

"And why should I? You're Dame-Tsuna. You're not good at anything. So how can I explain this to you?" Okay, wow, harsh.

"That's true. I can never be great at something like you. I fail at most of my classes, I have no friends, I'm always belittled for a something tiny that I do or enjoy. It's a fucking war zone at school for me." Bitterness crept up my voice. I hated them.

"Then why are you... still here?" He questioned, grimaced at his insensitivity.

"Why haven't I end it already?"

"..."

"That's cause I know this," I spread my arms out. "Ain't forever. There's so much in this life you can enjoy. All of it isn't limited to baseball. And fuck those who fucking made you think that."

"But I'm the ace in baseball, my teammates depend on me!"

* * *

 **Yamamoto's POV**

* * *

The little girl who Yamamoto thought was meek and fragile like a tiny bird, slammed her hand closed into a fist on the table. He was surprised it didn't crack from the pressure.

"And that's why you're like this!" She screeched. Eyes flashing dangerously, a hint of orange shone into her brown orbs. He brushed it off from the sun hitting her eyes again. "You're not suppose to carry your teammates to victory! It should be the other way around, and for all of them to carry each other! It's impossible to play baseball alone and you're teammates are treating it like you can! But you can _not_. You're just a single person who isn't superhuman. There should be people who should support you yes, but not like that. Not. Like. That. Friends shouldn't use you for personal gain. They shouldn't make you do it alone while they stand by in the sidelines as they ignore you struggling and continue to push you until you fucking _break_."

She breathed in heavily, clearly pissed off. Not at him. _For_ him. This was the first time anyone was like this for him. Not since his... mom.

"Baseball should be fun." She repeated. "And by doing so is fucking working together. Your teammates are so used to slacking off because everyone knows you're that good. You. Are. But all pros need breaks. What you're doing isn't healthy and the environment you're in is toxic as hell. It's literally life-draining for you, that's why you're failing in class because all you can focus on is baseball. There's life outside of sports Yamamoto-san. You can still play it, but not the way how you do it. I'm sorry to this, but it's fucking killing you."

His eyes began to sting. He clenched and unclenched his fists, head bowed throughout the rant from Sawada Tsunahime, processing the words over and over in his head.

"You're right, Tsuna." He chuckled, suddenly feeling goddamn _tired_. "Even how harsh you phrased it, it's the absolute truth."

He raised his head and was shocked when he aught sight of Tsuna. Fat rolls of tears had spilled out of her eyes while snot dripped from her nose. She looked miserable and upset all for... him. He never made a girl cry before, but seeing her like this... somewhat made him feel better. Not in a morbid way, but it showed how much she cared.

"We may not know each other well Yamamoto-san, but I care about you." She hiccuped, confirming his statement.

She rubbed the tears and snot from her sleeves, eyes all puffy and swollen. She wasn't the most beautiful crier, but it was _real_.

"I don't want you to die. Not from something that you enjoy and love." Tsuna pushed the small table to the side and crawled towards him with doe, glassy eyes that were usually narrowed and drooped in a lazy sort of way that had started not too long ago. Back when there was somehow a change in Sawada Tsunahime.

The smell of baked goods and tea was prominent in his nose as he was enveloped into Tsuna's arms, her chin placed on his shoulder. She was short in stature, practically dwarfed between the two of them. The extra meat felt full around his arms as he embraced her back, perfect in his arms... Just like his mom's.

In the first time in a long while, tears leaked out from his eyes and spilled onto the loving, caring woman's shoulder who knew too much but understand all the pain that welled up inside him and how much he forced it into a box until it threaten to collapse and spill. He shuddered to think what could've been.

"Please don't disappear." She whispered in his ear as she burrowed deeper into his arms, trembling.

He hugged her tighter.

 _'I won't.'_

* * *

 **Author's note: Wow from necrophilia jokes to this. Anyways I hoped you enjoyed this failed attempted humor and angst lol.**

 **Reason for Yamamoto's depression and confrontation: I dunno, when I red the manga and watched the anime they didn't treat Yamamoto's attempted suicide that well and that irked me. So I wrote this shit down on the first chapter because hey, this is a self-insert. I'd make a beeline to the baseball freak and punch some sense into him more early lol.**

 **Tsunahime's sexuality: I'm pansexual in real life and I didn't wanna erase original Tsuna's crush on Kyoko. I don't know if it would be endgame tho but I'll leave it up to you guys. I'll put on a poll and if there's anyone you'd like to see one there, pm or review on it so I'll post it right away lol.**

 **Reviews make me feel _special_.**


	2. Donuts and Existential Crisis Rant

**Disclaimer: I don't think I own Katekyo Hitman Reborn. Trust me. You'd know.**

 **Edited: January 24 2018**

* * *

After the little crying session and hugging it out like bros- "I swear if this gets out I cried like a lil bitch, you will catch these hands"- both me and Yamamoto played video games like the stupid, normal teenagers that we were.

"I fucking dare to fucking beat me again you hecking loser." I growled, punching the buttons erratically as I non-subtlety shoved the tall beanpole beside me with my foot who had taken the floor. It was effective, but not enough. His Yoshi still surpassed my Toad.

"Haha, Tsuna you're quite violent with Mario Kart, huh? And a sore-" All of a sudden, I felt I was shoved me off the bed, squaking as I went down. This motherfucker- "-loser at that."

"I'll fucking end you!" I snarled, ready to pounce to get revenge as my Toad ran into a wall.

"Tsu-chan! I've brought some juice and snacks for you and Yamamoto-kun!" Nana called out as she opened the door. "Sorry for the wait." She still had that heavenly smile on her face, but widened when she saw us.

I huffed at Yamamoto, sticking my tongue at him. "You're safe for today Takeshi- _chan_ ," I mocked, smirking. "Praise be the gods for mama's homemade donuts." I licked my lips as I took one of the halos turned into baked goods, off the plate and stuffed it inside my mouth. Nirvana's jizz exploded in my mouth as I moaned in delight. The thickness and creaminess filled in my mouth from the raspberry filling, powered donut.

'Sweet baby Jesus this is so good.'

"Yeah whatever Tsuna." He rolled his eyes, snatching two donuts as I stuck my tongue out. "Thank you Sawada-san -"

"Call me Nana, Yamamoto-kun!" Nana chirruped, waving her hand. Yamamoto smiled. "Thank you, Nana." Then he bit into the donut. He instantly froze, expression blank.

"Tsuna."

"Hmph?" I grunted, mouth stuffed to the brim with donuts, nodding my mom in thanks as she closed the door.

"Marry me." He whispered. I could see stars sparkle in his eyes as he stared intently in my eyes like he had a epiphany struck him down like lightening.

I fucking nearly choked.

"What in the actual the fuck!" I spat the chewed up pieces of saliva covered donuts onto my hand. No way I was going down that way again. Once was enough.

"So that you're mom can make us donuts, like, literally everyday." Realization dawned on me as I took a good look at his face. He looked as if he had transcended into heaven.

I chuckled at his expression. Fucking dork. "That good, huh."

"Fuck yes." He whispered.

"You're literally invited into this house everyday, you do now that right?" I bumped him in the shoulder with mine, stuffing the chewed up bits of donuts back into my mouth. Can't waste mama's precious donuts despite how gross it was.

"Praise be Nana's homemade donuts." Yamamoto finally came into understanding of the new religion that was Nana's donuts.

"Praise be mama's homemade donuts." I nodded, sagely.

It was nice knowing that Yamamoto joined the cult of Sawada Nana's cooking/baking.

* * *

"I THOUGHT AUNITE NANA'S DONUTS FUCKING CALMED YOU DOWN YOU CRAZY BITCH." He howled, keeping me out of leg's reach as his foot implanted in my face as I tried to claw my way to his face like a raccoon on drugs.

"FUCKING FIGHT ME YOU WHORE." I screeched.

"IT'S JUST MARIO KART JESUS-" Having been done with my shit, he shoved me.

"THIS IS FOR TOAD YOU BITCH." I retaliated, pouncing on him only to miss as he rolled away.

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO RAN HIM OFF COURSE WHEN YOU SLIPPED INTO THE FUCKING BANANA FROM AN NPC."

"I'LL AVENGE YOU TOAD-KUN."

"HE'S NOT EVEN REAL- OH GOD-"

"CATCH THESE HANDS YOU WHORE"

* * *

"This is very therapeutic." Yamamoto groaned, as my thumbs dug into the tension of his upper back.

"It's hella healing. Especially when you play sports that stresses your upper body strength." I stated, rubbing his skin with enough pressure that it untied the knots, but was apparently pleasurable as Yamamoto grunted. Was he a masochist? That would actually explain his heads-on, think-later combat

"Do mine after."

"Mmgh"

"I'll take that as a yes. Dork."

* * *

"-thought we are so, so insignificant that all we are are living on a speck of dust in space floating around our solar system but part of other possibly greater, galaxies? We are all specks man. And don't get me started with the fact that the present is never permanent like what I just said is in the past now. You processing my words are in the past. We may be always in the present but it happens so quick we never really experience it momentarily but had experienced it? Do you know what I mean, because shit, I over think a lot."

"What were in those brownies Tsuna."

I ignored him, deciding to drop a bomb. "Do you ever feel like an anime character?"

"... Shut up Tsuna."

"Because I feel like I'm in a Fanfiction that doesn't update regularly."

* * *

"So you like Kyoko?"

"Yah. I'm gay for her right now."

"Right now?"

"I'm Pansexual hottie."

"That so."

* * *

It was dark outside when we finally noticed how late it was.

"You can chill out in this crib if you want to." I proposed to Yamamoto as he got up to get ready to leave.

"The old man's probably worried so I can't tonight. Next time." It wasn't a no, but I was slightly disappointed my new found friend wouldn't be sleeping over. All of the friends I've made always slept over. And vice-versa.

"Psh, you better you assbutt." I mumbled, poking him in the stomach. "Boop." He snickered childishly. That dude love him some butt-jokes.

"Nice." He ruffled my hair, messy up my already short hair. "See you tomorrow?"

I smiled gratefully at him. Yamamoto, my first friend in this new, familiar world.

"Ya, see you." And he left.

"Sooooo," Nana drawled out from the door, "that boy was nice." I nodded. Of course he was. My boy Yamamoto wasn't a fuckboy. Or a toy no longer.

"Loved your donuts, so he's okay in my books." I nodded, sagely once again. Honor the donuts.

Nana giggled. "Okay dear."

She placed a kiss on my forehead, loving rubbing my head and staring at me with warm eyes. God I love this woman.

"So, there's this tutor whose coming tomorrow."

Wat.

* * *

I guess it was inevitable. Even if I didn't want any of this.

I was going to meet Reborn. Renato Whatever with the cheesy-ass, signature greeting. A bit too soon for my liking, but I had a feeling some higher en-titty wanted to move the plot along... I'm probably overthinking this again, but maybe the only reason I exist is because I'm in someone's Fanfiction. Or my own.

"Hnngh." What if I am in one? And this was some ploy for the author to release their boredom. But if it was me then... narcissism? Or to boost my non-existent self-esteem?

"Fuck no, I'm gunna go eat." I shook my head, using all of my willpower to not let the existential crisis to take hold. Overthinking before coffee and breakfast was a bad idea.

Plus Reborn was coming in today, so I better down everything before seeing him. I knew it the special "Meeting" between tutor and student was before school but I at least wanted to eat something before confronting the man-baby in the flesh that could make boys and girls panties drop, even with his jailbait exterior.

And his sadistic torturing- no tutoring. But were they so different when it came to Reborn? It was practically a comedic gag for the original Tsuna to be bullied by Reborn. But he thrived off when Reborn Tortured/Tutored him. Tough love, soft hate I guess.

I took a sip of my coffee.

Damn, I had my work cut out for me.

The doorbell rang.

'How can he reach the fucking doorbell if he's so goddamn short.' I snorted, getting up from my seat. "I'll get it mama." Nana merely nodded, her brown hair- the same color as mine- bobbed, smiling beautifully as she flipped today's newspaper.

"Thank you, Tsu-chan!" I fucking love her.

Uncertainty and the beginnings of anxiety began to form when I saw the door that held my future to become something... _more._ The thought was terrifying to say the least. I never had many opportunities Back Then, especially with the Social and Racial status.

A mafia boss, a bearer of the Sky ring, an heiress and Tenth. "Juudaime." From Gokudera affectionately. Or obsessively. There was a fine line for Gokudera's loyalty to Tsunayoshi, but what of me? Would he also see me as someone worth respecting for?

But I was a fraud. This body wasn't mine, despite the transformation that was once like my body from before as I tried to make it to be. Which brought some comfort and a much more solid feeling of who I was. My identity from Before Then was important to me even if I wasn't part of anything special. I was part of the minority group, Native American. I'm not Japanese with Italian blood mixed in like a foreign cocktail. Albeit I looked more Japanese, having inherit more of my mother's side, but my skin was more darker than original!Tsuna's had been (most likely Iemitsu's genetics), so there was not that much body dysmorphia.

'But I'm Native American. Always will.'

I sighed heavily. I twisted the knob and finally, after a few weeks of this world, I finally could meet Reborn. I can almost feel the disappointment already.

"Ciaossu."

* * *

 **Reborn POV**

* * *

When he read the report given by the Ninth, Reborn was not impressed.

Lower than average grades, poor social skills, no ounce of athleticism, overweight, isolated from her peers, takes narcotics (marijuana)- Iemitsu would have a a heart attack if he saw his "Precious Princess" taking drugs, even if they were not very harmful- bullied, weak. Many, many reports written down was full of failures of Sawada Tsunahime. Quite frankly, she was pathetic.

Already he can feel the excitement in his bones. Dino Callavone really taught him the love or tortu- tutoring his beloved slav-students sadistica-endearingly.

This was a project fit for a genius like him. After being "done" -there was still so much to teach him, but he had to grow for himself in order to gain independence and more self-confidence- with Dino, he itched to pass down his knowledge. And this Tsunahime was no Mafia pre-cooked steak either.

He had to start from scratch. And after Dino, the almost euphoric feeling of whipping Tsunahime into shape was astounding.

He couldn't wait to meet her.

So when the knob turned and saw his new victim, he greeted her his signature word.

"Ciaossu."

* * *

 **Author's Note: Tsuna is a pothead.**

 **Reason for Yamamoto's answer for Tsuna's crush: I feel that for Yamamoto, loving the same-sex isn't really much of a big deal for him so he instantly accepts it. I dunno, I just get that feeling with him. Acceptance.**

 **Votes-**

 **Reborn: 5**

 **Xanxus: 5**

 **Byakuran: 4**

 **Mukuro: 3**

 **Yamamoto: 3**

 **Fon: 3**

 **Kyoya: 2**

 **Chrome: 2**

 **Belphgor: 2**

 **Kyoko: 1**

 **Ryohei: 1**

 **Skull: 1**

 **Lal Mirch: 1**

 **Haru: 1**

 **Enma: 1**

 **Single AF: 1**

 **Harem (requested): 1**

 **Gokudera/Bianchi/Colonello/Verde/Mammon-Viper/Hana/Squalo: 0**

* * *

 _Review_

 _Redjadeelric: Thank you! And I will! :)_

 _Mpangqx (sorry for no dot, they won't let me for some reason): Thank god that it did lol. I wasn't so sure anyone would like it, but thank you so much for giving this a try!_

 _Satanic Secretary: True, I try to make it different and a harem is sometimes... meh. All it is, for me at least, a plot for jealousy? In a way. Funny at first, tiring afterwards. But a polygamous relationship would'nt be a bad idea, more healthier that way. But there is a possibility for a femslash! tysm for the review!_

 _Guest: Don't worry, in the future chapters there will be much interaction between them!_

 _Bell2629: THERE WILL BE MORE CUSSING. BADMOUTH!TSUNA FOR THE WIN._

 _moonlight phonex101: True, but I know for some people a potential suicide would weigh in their minds. And I kinda didn't like how they just made it... I dunno like fast? This will still be mentioned in other chapters, bring more light to Yamamoto's suicidal thoughts. AND i'M SO GLAD THAT YOU LIFE ASFKHJLJ_

 _bbb671: Although I don't really like harems, I get your point. Their relationship as guardians are strong. But I think a polygamous would be more healthy then a competition. All acceptance and love for all (yes even you mukuro you ass)._

 _YokaiAngel: I STRIVE FOR ADORABLENESS!_

* * *

 **Than you for all who Favorited and followed!**

 **Please Review, it means a lot to me.**


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